arbitration

2020 Vision – More Than a Metaphor and Year for All

January 9, 2020 by Zen

Working on Being Clear-sighted for 2020…

What is your 2020 Vision? This year brings a barrage of thoughtful metaphors to mind, right? We generally have some kind of resolution for change in the new year, yet this year may be even more impactful if we apply its wisdom. In looking clearly, we look at our lives in the full spectrum. Who are we and what is important to us? How are we living to example our core values?

Conversations in the small business peer advisory group monthly meetings usually have some mention of core values, both in the company culture and vision of the owner. One salient point always emerges: continuing personal growth. Our behaviors are driven by our core values, whether at play or work and certainly in relationships in life. Sometimes we need help to reflect and remember who we are.

Early in life we are presented with opportunities to learn how to live from watching those around us and trying things on our own. We grow through mistakes, most often, or at least from less desirable results than we’d like to experience. Sometimes we ask for help when things seem to get out of control and we realize that our mirror needs cleaning.

Moving Forward – Intentional 2020 Vision

Intending to begin this year with renewed attention and focus on being productive, I was reminded of the signs, in English, we encountered in the heart of the Yucatan peninsula on a highway carved through the tropical forest. “Observe Your Intentions” and “Observe Your Distractions” were the clear messages for our relationship and life in general. The wisdom for life offers guidance for all of us.

What is surprising is that we already know this as compassionate and loving beings, what we pay attention to grows and we tend to attract more of the same. How and what do you want to attract this year? What is your 2020 Vision? Can you get really clear on what that is? How are you going to accomplish the vision you have for this year and the future? The possibilities can be overwhelming.

How do you, me, we find clarity in what direction to go? Often we confuse the nature of who we are with what we think we should be doing in life. Who we are is tantamount to what we become and the life that we lead; it’s challenges, perceived failures and triumphs are purposeful to our growth. What keeps us from being and then doing the right things?

We hurt inside when our actions or words are misunderstood or we fall short of our intended goals and objectives. We lock up and separate from the world we so much want to enjoy. Whether personal or professional situations, without reflecting for a moment, taking a breath and stepping back to get a little clearer sight, we may react to the pain in a variety of ways that certainly lack compassion and consideration. We’re human. So? Is that an excuse?

Perhaps we feel like life is a kind of managed chaos, where the notion of crisis management seems to permeate our lives in ways we try to avoid. The wisdom from my father still rings true: do the most challenging thing first; the thing you want to avoid and ignore, the one that you fear or stresses you out the most. The choice to do so is one that happy and successful people make time and again, most often with the best choices made after seeking advice from a coach, mentor or trusted confidant.

Rites of Passage and Purposeful Path

One of the Core Values of Coaching is to tell the truth, be honest and transparent. That’s a great 2020 Vision. It may be tough in some situations, regardless of the reason truth has no deception and we never have to confront ourselves in the mirror. Being honest with ourselves is the first step, a clear look in the mirror is often accompanied by the need for change, transforming who we are or were that was less than who we could be. I was, and probably still am, a bit obsessive of truth. I’ve gotten more compassionate with age.

As a teenager, a few months after turning 18, I had prayed to know the ‘truth’ about life, including me and my purpose for being here. It was no doubt part of some rite of passage built into my consciousness and life-stream, I was asked a question that took me to the depths of my being. “Are you willing to die for what you believe in?” The question came as a voice without form, during a meditation, seemingly from deep within me though not my voice.

I would imagine some have been asked that question as well. How do you answer it? First, one has to decide what they believe in on a very basic level, life or death. As one who was brought up in the United Methodist Church, though not fully aligned with the organized church, my first thought was Christ Consciousness. In the nano-seconds of my ‘check-in’ it felt incomplete. Hold on, it wasn’t a denial of it at all. It just felt incomplete, like there was something more.

Perhaps my hesitancy had to do with form, the embodiment that was a vessel of something greater. It was the greater I wanted to know. My next choice was Cosmic Consciousness, which felt complete and fulfilling in comparison. What is that exactly? The formless side of Christ Consciousness, before incarnation and with infinite intelligence. The answer: “Yes,” and my life changed in an instant. I left this world.

Personal Transformation – Trials and Tribulations

It felt like moving upward, even though eyes were closed. Turning to view my physical body laying across my dorm room bed first, then to look in the direction of the movement with an instant arrival in the Light. Over the next 2 minutes and 42 seconds I was taken on a journey few have made, let alone been able to remain somewhat sane afterward.

Two things I became aware of as a result. First, we a flow of consciousness that has no death, no end; second, we each have a purpose in establishing a new order of Unity on Earth that is required for our sustainability.

That may seem totally insane to many, based on our current situation and who manages the media, politics and resources of our world. Can we learn to work together? What is the best 2020 Vision for moving toward sustainability? It starts with you, me and us and includes more than planetary sustainability, it has more to do with personal sustainability.

We need to ask ourselves a question: What do we believe in? Beyond the illusion of separation, which all paths to transcendence reveal, how do we demonstrate the belief in Love, the longing for the result of the joy and happiness we all seek? How might that show up in our business, career, family and our relationships?

Do we argue about the distractions or ascend with better intentions? Choices….

Communication Tension converted to Structural Tension

September 1, 2016 by Zen

Common Disturbances

Our communication matters. Do you ever find yourself ranting to someone about someone or something in your life? Are you really clear about the issues or are you projecting some unspoken unfulfilled expectations on the situation? It is in my nature to resolve these things in my immediate environment?

I don’t like the tension, especially communication tension. You know that kind when things are said and you know neither one understood the other. Too often angst converts to anger. Perhaps I’m a bit selfish about my personal space, even when it’s shared. I like harmony and am a tenacious sob when there is an issue that needs to be resolved.

We want our relationships to be harmonious, right? Are we clear with that in our communication? Conflict resolution is the challenge in all relationships. How we accomplish it varies. There are a litany of reasons conflict may exist. In many situations the crux of the matter is about behavior.

I have a wonderful mentor that says there really is no conflict, just the inability to understand each other. We listen and speak from our own dictionary, which may be quite different than the other person’s. How do we move beyond that uncomfortable silence?

I’d like to start from the sensation that starts it all. It’s one of cacophony in the solar plexus, a quiver resulting from disturbance in the force. Maybe it isn’t that strong for you. We can all feel the disturbance, though.

Seriously, though, we feel it first. The feeling triggers all kinds of intellectual responses, perhaps even auto-response behavior.

How do we resolve it?

Do we want to risk whatever it takes, become vulnerable?

Nothing Personal

The feeling isn’t personal; it’s an energy that is internally incongruous. We often lack the vulnerability to listen without taking things personally, hence the tension. Patterns are invisible until someone points them out, usually.

Listening in order to understand is a core competency of a master communicator, and yet few of us are. Communication starts with the intention to understand, asking clarifying questions without prejudicial intonation. How something is asked is more important that what is asked.

Every question has an answer; the depth of which the responder allows to flow depends on asking the right questions. Go deep, cut through.

Candor is often refreshing, especially when spoken with compassion and understanding. Every situation is different, yet certain behaviors and emotional patterns are common. We often go past how it feels without much self-reflection.

Coping skills for avoiding conflict present as a consistent behavior, though the content changes. We react in fear of attack, the ego unable to separate self and behavior. It is a moment of opportunity. The shift also has an accompanying sensation, a moment of bliss.

Sensational Releases in Communication

There’s usually not enough time to bask in the sensation. I acknowledge the sensation as proof of a deeper level of connection and have yet to have any deny noticing the shift in their own way. If you are like me you want to feel free of tension, right?

The only way to resolve it is to have a conversation. Like life coaching, the details are untangled and a clearer view happens. It’s the thought of that conversation that takes us to the next wave of anxiety. Still, with some patience and a willingness to communicate, framing the conversation in a compassionate way brings the unexpected.

I’ve sensed the tension, mine and others, since my youth and didn’t know what to do with it for years. I feel the anxiety and know a conversation is imminent or at least the thoughtmosphere is poised for its birth. It’s taken me a long time to be able to turn the sense of tension into conversations that matter.

Robert Fritz uses what he calls ‘structural tension.’ It begins with the honest idea or image of our condition, across material and spiritual dimensions. We need a clear picture of the present, first. Then, the ideal imagery or future vision is held next to the original, creating a kind of structural tension between the two that creates a prudent path from one to the other.

I use this technique for some coaching clients when I can see they understand how the thinking works and even to stretch some that cannot. The proof is in the test and undeniably in the results.

The process for me starts with just asking the question (to myself), “How can I serve this?” Then I just take a breath and get quiet. The words come eventually. The rest is different every time and always beneficial… toot, toot.. you’re good for more.

Thanks for your attention and time.

Arbitration, Mediation and Facilitation from a Master

June 16, 2016 by Zen

No Conflict – Miscommunication

The Guys (I’m one of them) interview a dynamic influential Aikido instructor, Jerome Allan Landau – attorney, arbitrator and mediator. His expertise is expansive and his wisdom is applicable for transforming conflict into cooperation toward a goal. Arbitration, mediation and facilitation are skills that have tremendous value in business today. Why not learn from one of the best in his field?

Jerome’s expertise as an ADR (alternate dispute resolution) professional has been regularly recognized through his professional certifications from various organizations and prestigious panels, such as the American Arbitration Association, the U.S. District Court, the International Association for Conflict Resolution (ACR), U.S. Arbitration & Mediation Panel, and for service on the American Arbitration Association‘s Commercial Advisory Panel.

Jerome has twice been invited to present workshops at the United Nations where he was described as “bringing techniques for conflict resolution to those endeavoring to bring peace to the world.” He is also a contributor of articles to “ACResolutions”, an international magazine serving Dispute Resolution Professionals, and formerly served on its editorial board.

Mr. Landau is a contributing author to articles for the international magazine ACResolutions; and was the only attorney requested to contribute to McGraw-Hill landmark compendium “The Investigative Handbook”. He formerly authored a monthly legal column in New York City.

Jerome explains the differences in arbitration, mediation and facilitation and how they might affect the ongoing challenges of growing business effectively. Sometimes business owners run into problems and need to resolve issues quickly and effectively. The extension of such engagements can often lead to costly and time consuming activities that, when alternative dispute resolution practices are included, greatly reduce the potential expenditures and business deterrents.

You’ll be surprised at the tasty tidbits of wisdom that Jerome provides from decades of working with off-shore and national issues. Our perspective in America is one of protecting our interests, which often leads to litigious actions.

Do those actions really accomplish the best results?

What happens when two or more square off with opposing factors?

Is an arbitrator an effective solution?

Trained arbitrators are used as a means of alternate dispute resolution and their decisions are accepted as solutions.

What is the difference between Arbitration and Mediation? Arbitration is generally conducted with a panel of multiple arbitrators who take on a role like that of a judge, make decisions about evidence and give written opinions (which can be binding or non-binding).

Although arbitration is sometimes conducted with one arbitrator, the most common procedure is for each side to select an arbitrator. Then, those two arbitrators select a third arbitrator, at which point the dispute is presented to the three chosen arbitrators. Decisions are made by majority vote.

Mediation, on the other hand, is generally conducted with a single mediator who does not judge the case but simply helps to facilitate discussion and eventual resolution of the dispute. Mediation has enjoyed increasing popularity as an important part of the litigation process.

Mediation enjoys such high success rates because the parties are brought together in an environment where they can freely and confidentially present their position in front of a neutral third party.

As a business owner you will gain a lot from listening in to this conversation. You’ll understand more about the opportunities you have in conflict resolution, perhaps avoiding expenses that could potentially cripple your business if handled differently. Consider your options when problems arise. Create a better conversation that gets better results. Consult a qualified resource.

More on Jerome… Listen to 2 Small Biz Guys with Jerome below: