Transform Relationships Through Personal and Business Coaching

Original post: Dating Advice .com

The Short Version: After being orphaned at birth, adopted, and then experiencing a near-death experience in college, Transformational Life Coach Zen Benefiel developed an intense curiosity about his connection to the world. He studied that connection in his free time until an opportunity arrived to host a television show exploring people’s journeys, fears, and successes. He continued on that path to become a life coach, using his eclectic array of knowledge and modalities to help clients feel empowered and inspired to work toward self-actualization. Zen offers transformational life and career coaching to individuals and couples, as well as business coaching to corporations.

He works with clients of all backgrounds, but there’s something most have in common. If you want to transform relationships, you’ve got to be authentic, honest and transparent from the beginning. Would you like to meet with someone that is not even close to how they present themselves in their profile? NO… so don’t do it.

“I’ve found that online, few present themselves authentically. Why not share the best, worst, and what we’re working to improve first? It’s a radical change in behavior for most, but it works surprisingly well.” — Zen Benefiel, Transformational Life Coach on honesty in online dating profiles

“Most of my clients are looking for a change — a rather large one — to realign their lives with passion and purpose,” Zen said. “Sometimes it’s as simple as a career change and realigning skill sets that they may not know they have.”

He’s also well-equipped to help clients who need dating and relationship assistance because Zen can empathize with their struggles.

“I’ve found that online, few present themselves authentically,” he said. “It’s always tough to reveal ourselves to others — in a broad sense. We want to be our best selves, but often, we’re embarrassed to share things upfront. Why not share the best, worst, and what we’re working to improve first? It’s a radical change in behavior for most, but It works surprisingly well.” He also encourages his clients to meet people in public, introducing themselves even if it makes them uncomfortable.

When it comes to working with clients who are struggling to find love, Zen said he encourages them to empty the desire, since that’s what he believes usually keeps their connections at bay.

“It’s like pushing and pulling energy with our emotions and intentions,” he said. “It doesn’t bode well for finding flow, which is the natural progression of having someone enter your life through preparing for them. I speak from experience. I let go of the need to have someone and, within a few weeks, my celestial cohort and consort showed up.”

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Discipline and Practice of Letting go

The Discipline and Practice of ‘Letting Go’

We’ve all heard the phrase, ‘Let go and let God.’ Can you? Are you sure? Do we have to really work on recognizing and releasing our attachments to outcome? Usually we do; working through the frustrations of self-criticism along the way. But, it doesn’t have to be that way.

Oftentimes, we find ourselves in a vicious vortex of self-destructive patterns. That same vortex can just as quickly release us when we know how to let go of our critical subjective nature, acknowledge the feeling, allow the feeling without denial, choose to release it, observe its release and accept a better feeling. Sounds so simple in theory yet again, doesn’t it?

What if it really is?

This practice is a relatively simple yet profound tool for transformation and transcendence. You might already realize the advantages. What you will be doing is synergizing your breath with your feelings, releasing the emotional blocks or bottlenecks to your true freedom and flow.

Depending on what you uncover in your emotional patterning, it can work quickly or take some time. The process, once perfected, can be used anywhere at any time. The results are experienced in many ways as they offer deeper understanding of your own emotions and feeling patterns.

We can either respond or react to any situation, depending on our perspective. By responding, we pause and reflect before we act. The observer within allows us to step away from the emotional attachment to outcome, yet helps us define those attachments because we have become aware of them now.

Once aware, we can choose how to respond rather than react out of some unconscious pattern of old behavior. This is especially helpful when dealing with races from other planets that have a higher frequency than most humans. That may seem a lot to consider, but the news lately certainly creates the possibility.

Personal growth does not have to be painful, even though it often is. Why would we want to continue to experience pain, then? We can observe and not be engaged by the disturbance. So recognizing that the observer is a really powerful place, how do we find it?

The focus of this exercise is to move beyond disturbance in your emotional patterns, the blocks or resistance to change or growth, and become the observer of your process. Emotional attachments cause blockages in energy flow in the circuitry. Our neurocircuitry operates on energy flow, electrical impulses that move through it, or not.

Sometimes we have enough awareness to be able to ask why we reacted to a situation in such an inappropriate or incongruous way. That question is an opportunity to explore the deeper causes of our reaction. The following exercise is designed to allow you to garner greater awareness and control of your responses to stimuli. When you can ‘watch’ then you can respond more appropriately on the fly.

Exercise:

Find a place where you can completely relax and be uninterrupted for at least a half hour. Create an environment you feel totally protected and supported in (crystals, incense, calming music, etc.) Then, when you are ready…

Recall a situation where you reacted emotionally out of control.

Remember the feeling/action/words that triggered the reaction.

Feel the feeling as deeply as if it had just happened again. Embrace the feeling as though it was totally present right now. Notice the sense of it in your body and hold onto it as though it was the most precious thing in the world.

Now, take a deep breath and, just let it go. On the exhale, feel yourself relax and release it fully, or as much as possible. It may only feel slightly different. That’s okay. It is still different now.

Breathe deep, again and breathe again. Feel the tension leave your body as it is replaced by a sense of freedom just from breathing.

Notice that you feel better, less stressed and less tense.

If you don’t know how to release the feeling, just imagine you are free of the disturbance it has caused… completely… like it never happened and you feel completely loved and surrounded by a sense of safety and security. Feel like nothing can harm you, period; like you are in the arms of your parent, protector or God.

That is the process. It is that simple. You probably had forgotten about the feeling, right? Still, if it came up as you focused then it has been there, deep in your subconscious, and affecting your life without your awareness. There could be a bit of residual emotion still. That, too, can disappear with practice. Imagine if you took conscious breaths on a regular basis.

Sometimes past lives, whether you believe in them or not, can affect your current life stream. Your karma is just as easily worked out by and through this process as it is called – forgiveness. We think about forgiveness, but it is a process of releasing.

Most world religions include teachings on the nature of forgiveness, and many of these teachings provide an underlying basis for many varying modern day traditions and practices of forgiveness. Some religious doctrines or philosophies place greater emphasis on the need for humans to find some sort of divine forgiveness for their own shortcomings. Others place greater emphasis on the need for humans to practice forgiveness of one another, yet others make little or no distinction between human and divine forgiveness.

There is a feeling beyond forgiveness once one has processed their bottlenecks. It is a feeling of being imperturbable, as Lester Levinson put it. It is where one becomes completely impervious to inner and outer emotional tugs. It is a place even beyond bliss.

Don Juan, who was Carlos Castaneda’s guide, taught of ‘sealing the egg’ which required severing all psychic cords to others. The ‘egg’ is akin to one’s aura, the luminous egg that surrounds each or us like a cocoon. It is another opportunity in the process of ‘letting go.’

To further enjoy your opportunity, you can get the workbook that includes much more information and opportunity titled:  Transformation – A Guide for Change. I ran across a great article by Rob Liu that offers inspiration in making better choices.

Facing Emotional Blockages with Better Tools for Transformation

Removing Emotional Blockages

Objective: Learn how to ‘let go’ and flow.

What are emotional blockages? I think we can all answer that question with a variety of responses from our direct experience.

How might we learn from them?

Here I’ll present some interesting and possibly new points of view you may not have thought about before now. Some things may be just refreshers of what you already know. Hopefully you’ll gain some new tools to apply in your daily living.

Definition of terms:

Attachments to outcome: Holding an emotional charge or feeling for a desired result.

Bottleneck: A stage in a process that causes the entire process to slow down or stop; Incongruent energy that creates a restriction of flow that impedes progress.

Flow: To move or run smoothly with unbroken continuity, as characteristic of a fluid.

Observer Self:  One who is aware, through the senses, yet remains detached from them in order to observe.

Fulfillment is accomplished through the synergy of mental discovery, visual imagery and purposeful passion directed toward your plan for achievement. We want to create a daily life that empowers this process. We are phenomenally functional creatures when our ‘energy’ flows without restriction. Flow is the harbinger of fulfillment. Can we create flow by choice? Absolutely! The instruction manual seems to agree.

Bottlenecks, elements or processes restricting output of the production system in a factory, were Eli Goldratt’s nemesis in his book The Goal. Once identified through analysis, changes were implemented to maximize flow, or throughput, within the system. Imagine a laser focus to get through the eye of the needle and then having a pressure wash on the other side.

As it turns out, Goldratt’s analysis of bottlenecks can be applied to the human ‘system’ as well. Consistent with energy systems, emotional bottlenecks impede the flow of fulfillment, happiness and manifestation of our desires. We seek to minimize these bottlenecks in our life. I challenge you to engage them, get to know them intimately and learn to manage the gatekeeper – you.

We can analyze our emotional system to determine where our bottlenecks lay, but that is just the beginning. There is much more. Oftentimes we tend to focus on the bottlenecks, the incongruent energy, rather than focusing on creating a flow. We give power to the farce rather than the force.

This is a common undesirable use of attention. According to mystics, quantum physicists and spiritual teachers, what we focus on, grows. What do you want more of in your life? How do you balance personal and social responsibility? What is your destiny that is wrapped up in your soular blueprint and currently inhibited from presenting itself because of your belief?

Therefore, the objective would be to identify the bottlenecks so you can remove them in order to focus on creating flow. Once the constrictions are identified, you need to understand how to change them so your attention is on the objective, not the bottleneck. Every question has an answer. Are you asking the right ones in your quest for congruence and truth?

More than likely if you are reading these words you have experienced a moment of flow now and again. Remember how it felt? Recall the experience and focus on it for just a moment. Was it easy to recall? Cosmic coincidences are never by chance.

How can we become conscious of bottlenecks? We can train ourselves to recognize when our body constricts, feels tight or our breathing changes dramatically as a result of a situation. We can then embrace them, forgive the cause, and then let go of our attachment to the outcome. Putting it into practice is what we call discipline. That sounds so simple, doesn’t it?

It really is simple when you know how to do it. Knowing how still requires the action of releasing attachments to outcome in order to be effective. The information and exercises contained in this workbook will assist you in eliminating many bottlenecks.

It is up to you to apply the knowledge daily, sometimes removing emotional blockages moment by moment, in order to get the best results possible for you and others. Your personal, company, organizational or global mission may hinge on it, too. I trust it will all make sense soon.

Now that we’ve covered the intellectual side of things, the next post will delve into the actual practice and process that will help you achieve a release of your own bottlenecks.

There is much more available beyond removing emotional blockages with the workbook: Transformation – A Guide for Change.